You should've come with us, we're at Home Depot looking for men.
you screamed 'he won't go on a date with me, but he gave me a free junior chicken'
well imagine, me dating the manager equals free junior chickens for everyone
she insisted that i refer to her boobs by name.
i really should have bought real food rather than condoms, olives, coleslaw and beer...
You were wasted and fell in a pond when you met him, it's not like you were on top of your game
She said I had the biggest dick she'd ever seen. And when you consider how many she's come in contact with, it's kind of like winning the heisman.
there is an extreme lack of margarita in my mouth.
Hey since its national brother week is that eiffel tower option with your girlfriend still on the table?
i think i broke my dog last night...fuck
Hahaha it was a great moment in my life. This must be what post child birth feels like, given you don't get a combined asshole/ vagina
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
The homeless guy who goes through my garbage cans just gave me a flyer for an AA group.
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
So this is my life now? Laying in bed texting about Hulk penis?
So I don't think the seahorse breeding thing is gonna work.
That was random, even for you Mom.
Randomize
