Lost. The hour! Funtime!!!!
the #6 from wendy's when stoned is definitely better than sex. i dont care what anyone says.
I just sneezed and it tasted like taco bell.
We should be flying into LAX instead so when we land I can turn to the right and see the Hollywood sign
You can't even see the fuckin Hollywood sign from LAX. guess she never got the memo
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
Too bad you can't keep me under your desk. You'd love that wouldn't you? Massages, blowjobs, and I'd be forced to be quiet all day.
his teacher called to say he gave a girl on the playground a rock to touch his penis. proudest moment of my fatherhood
This is America. Deny every slut accusation or own up to it
That amazing moment when the girl in the passenger seat decides to strip you while your driving.
The upside of Thirsty Thursdaying with the client last night was that he was so hungover that he didn't want to spend time wrangling over the contract extension this morning.
Boss just said I'm getting a bonus for this. Want to celebrate our anniversary a week early tonight?
This is why I married you.
Had sex with one of the guys from Ireland. Celebrating st pattys early.
The bottle of Wild Turkey is empty and there is a pile of wet cement in the garage. What happened?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
I'm watching Trainwreck with Jeff and realizing that I'm the John Cena in my relationship.
I'm at forever 21 and someone pooped in the dressing room.
Randomize
