I just sold a pizza for the ability to listen to spice girls.
True story: Just left my solo cup on a cop car. Yesss
like literally i think i'm sweating out semen right now
Dude I pulled down his pants and he already had a condom on
I heard from anne today. She has a broken collarbone and is knocked up. Apparently florida is awesome
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
Thanks for convincing the hot dog guy to give me one for $1 after I drunkenly dropped the first one. I loved your reasoning "I know you mark that shit up! I work in retail!"
He burst into tears while I was blowing him. NEVER giving a bj for a graduation present again.
I'm eating those little wheels of cheese and watching storage wars, this is the opposite of sex.
my vagina is like this close to growling at me and leading me onto the nearest dance floor
make it buy you a drink first
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
You pretended to be Borat in that weird slingshot bathing suit and then proceeded to send another dick pic/nude selfie and said you weren't naked because you were wearing a hat.
I woke up with a hangover and a man bun. Reached over to drink water and accidentally chugged raspberry vodka. So there's that.
He kept spinning my wedding ring like thanks buddy I remember
I knew I no longer wanted to bone him when he put the Grease soundtrack on as "mood music", no guy looks attractive singing and dancing to greased lightning naked.
Randomize
