her voice honestly makes me want to vomit. i have springsteen cranked up all the way.
Well at one point you put icyhot on your feet because you lost your shoes and it was snowing outside.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
He kept telling me how extraordinarily clean my ears were.
I spiked my fruit smoothie. Taking bikini season diet to a whole new level
I experienced pure joy just moments ago when I looked down and saw that I had another pop tart to consume down my mouth hole.
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
I mean I love some drunk compliments, but he just wasn't up to my low standards.
Fuck off I wasn't that drunk. I was still able to toss froot loops in the air and catch them in my mouth.
And in your bra. It was quite entertaining.
Update: that felon in Georgia I slept with is now a police officer. What a wonderful world
You can not love someone based on who they were when they were 9. Does he know how many dicks I've sucked since then?
He yelled at me to keep it in my pants and I replied with I will fuck your roommate as much as I please. Oops
He overslept for our prescheduled morning sex. The fact that my vagina isn't enough to get him out of bed was the last straw.
I was so drunk, he put me to bed and went down stairs to hang out with his friends. Apparently, I was curled up in the closet, spooning the dresser when he came back up.
Randomize
