my 12 year old sister just told me how admirable it was that i felt comfortable going out with my friends dressed "like that"
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
One question: Why is your trash can full of blood and pop-tarts?
I'm sitting in the middle of them on his bed, forcing them to watch Brokeback Mountain. I am the best cock blocker ever.
He bought me dinner. He gave me his jacket when I was cold. And then ate me out in the passenger sear of the car.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
God you people are gross. Come collect your unconscious friend.
Sober now. I'm really glad I didn't try to make out with that guy who has a pregnant fiance
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
I had to hypnotize my roommate last night so there's that.
honestly dont worry about it, its not the first time ive injured myself on a potted cactus during sexual relations with a woman
a guy offered me a piece of pizza if I'd make out with a random girl. We got the whole damn box and I ain't even mad
I almost got an A in organic chem but started hallucinating during the final so I got a C
How did i get home and why am i wearing someone elses shorts?
1. Not sure how 2. You showed up naked, we had to dress you.
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
