similar to the time we made up the game of screaming at the top of our lungs any time a guy any of us slept with walked into the party. that went over SO well.
new call of duty comes out in november. guess im not passing my finals
I woke up at 4am on the couch with half my clothes on. And by half my clothes I mean my earrings.
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
She thought someone was breaking in but when I said it was me she got even angrier and threw a coffee mug at my head.
No, I am not setting up my roomba to clean up puke.
I woke up this morning covered in blood and peanut butter. I am now safe from vampires with nut allergies.
Ice cream: Good. Fraternity: Good. Eating ice cream off a Skid Row bum's ass crack in order to get into a Fraternity: Homoerotic at best. I quit.
I opened my door to find him standing there with vodka, McDonalds, a smile and a hard-on. Of course I let him in.
I. Did. In fact. Sprain. My liver. This. Weekend.
Seriously, he's as bad as Joffrey. I hope this ends like Game Of Thrones did.
I love standing in line at rite aid for 10 minutes being forced to talk to my ex's mom about life while I'm holding nothing but yeast infection cream
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
At one point did I say I have a doctorate in fuck u?
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
Randomize
