After work we went home to fool around. Turns out he had sawdust under his foreskin. I'm never going down on him again.
Just fyi NOT a good idea to drunkenly insert your NuvaRing after chopping jalepeno peppers
so he must've not known that your lastname is Came because everytime someone would say your name he would scream "NO SHE DIDNT" to the whole party. He must've not been too good then either.
I am tired of kissing girls with mustaches.
I think misery doesn't even think of me as company anymore. I'm an unofficial roommate.
And for the fourth year in a row Christmas has ended in tears, yelling and me drinking. This is officially our longest running Christmas tradition.
The calves of my jeans are covered in jello shots from Sunday, how desperate do I have to be before I start licking them?
my vagradar is going off.. it smells a soldier
I'm pretty sure I asked his brother if he was gay while drunkenly falling to the ground.
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
Ultimate fat girl moment: I promised him my mouth for the night if he bought me a funnel cake..
Russell is lonely. He needs a companion.
You're lucky you have a monster cock or most people may just laugh at your penis' nickname.
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
In a meeting I sneezed and my tooth hit the floor. I don't think anyone noticed. I would still like to die now.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
