so my car got towed last night. I didnt know it cost 118 dollars to have a college experience
he would probably call me "ma'am" when he's inside me. people love saying weird shit inside me.
my breakfast just consisted of gushers (made with real fruit!) and they're trying to tell me im not eating right?
she gave him a mild concussion from throwing him against the wall in an attempt to dance with him. gotta love monday nights at the sandbar.
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You walked in on me taking a shit and told me to hit the bong
I just sit in the cubicle for 8 hours and do keagles.
I think all the stress in my life right now can be directly correlated with never winning a game of Bop It as a child.
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
I threw up in the darkest corner of the bar last night, then watched 2 girls freak out in disgust after walking through it. I then realised I puked on the dancefloor, took a picture and proceeded to send it to my mom.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Thats not real though. Slash there are other extenuating circumstances to lead me to believe dick is wanted
HOLY FUCK I SPELLED EXTENUATING RIGHT ON THE FIRST TRY. IM THE BEST DRUNK NA
and everyone will high five me and girls will approach me offering blowjobs
You're right. I woke up today with my ugly sweater still on and no pants. I'd say it was a successful night.
You're seeing with your vagina, not your eyes.
I told her I wanted to go swimming and she responded with jello shots, taking off her clothes, and jumping into the pool...I think I'm in love
I’ve basically been controlling him with my tits for months now, so I can’t even imagine what would happen if I start banging him
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