So I just almost came on my own face I had to dodge it as it was flying by...that was a first
you read me verses from the beginners bible until my answering machine finally ran out of time and cut you off.
As a side note, my abs are sore. Most likely cause? Orgasms. Thank you.
You may or may not of thrown up on your shoes, and you tried to give me a wet willy in my eye.
THE MIME IS MIMING TO BUST A MOVE KARAOKE. ALL MIME-RELATED EVENTS DESERVE CAPS LOCK
she used teeth so i didnt tell her when i was cumming ...........dont get mad get even
Im blowing my nose and the only thing coming out is beer
I GOT A VENDING MACHINE FOR OUR LIVING ROOM
Bailey. He has a soul patch. Idgaf if he was an NFL player. Nobody with a soul patch is attractive.
I responded with "neat-o burrito" to his SEXT...he tried so hard and I just panicked.
So I'm getting really old. I feel asleep for a booty call that I initiated. The struggle is real.
WHAT IS ALL THIS WATER BOTTLE FLIPPING NONSENSE? WHAT IS LIT?
YOUTHS.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
I didn’t not spend thanksgiving morning making out with him in a diner parking lot
Just cuz you've got the biggest dick I've ever seen doesn't mean u can wake me up at 2 am
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