I heard you aren't going to graduate...that suck sorry bro
I heard your girlfriend is trying to spread swine flu because she wants to wear one of those masks to cover up her broke ass teeth
I got so high that I decided to drive with my knees on the way home. Where am I going in life?
Nowhere
on the way home the dog started throwing up her bone in the car..so naturally i started to puke too
so i was dancing to the glee soundtrack with highheels. i tripped. and the dildo fell on my face. i dont know what happened.
Her bed is on wheels, so we woke up in the kitchen.
I got kicked out because I puked again I'm on the fire truck outside
How do you feel about fucking me quick and then me leaving to go do arts and crafts?
I mean Grimace is basically just a big piece of purple shit and he is loved way more than the hamburglar just to put it into perspective
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Just put me in your contacts as coyote
It's a beautiful day to be high as fuck
I'm talking to a corgi on tinder..wtf has my life come to
I could have been on my second lucrative divorce by now, but nooooo, I had to be a strong independent woman.
I found a tomato seed inside my jeans. I did not eat tomatoes
i cant go to his party cause last time i pressed the red buttons on the wall and the fire alarm went off for 40 minutes, i'm not allowed back there
Randomize
