our drinking schedule never changed, we just drank at work.
nothing can go wrong this weekend. $1500 to spend. i have options for hookups every night. my backup plans have backup plans
just woke up in my neighbors garage.
scratch that. I'm like 6 miles from my house in a random garage.
You ever get that 6th sense feeling in your dick like you know its gonna get sucked later?
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Didn't get laid. But got a free pie from a waitress. A whole pie.
he might be the rich husband I pretend to love for the rest of my life!!!!
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
my roommate had drunk sex above me in our bunk bed and then built me a fort to apologize the next day
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Tequila shots and throwing it at a bell.
This is dumb. I'll keep doing it.
Just sold my panties for 40 bucks to some rando dude at the gay bar. I think I found a way to fund next years spring break trip. Hello cancun!
My shower turned into a bath, turned into me lying on the shower floor with the water running over me... That hung over..
On the plus side, he ate me out and gave me an orgasm. But he also talked about robots during sex and mispronounced it like the dad in the goldbergs and called them “robits”
You think my vibrator will be okay in the dishwasher?
Randomize
