I've officially put my junk in foods from 5 of the 6 layers of the nutrition pyramid
If I have to take him to the hospital, I'm drawing dicks on his face
He threw up in a cup in the limo and when he got out the bouncer told him he couldn't bring drinks in so he gave the glass to that dumb girl we brought with us from c street.
I know, she tried to drink it
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
My neighbor caught me peeing on his rose bushes at 2 in the morning while wearing my Santa hat. My sex appeal has never been higher.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I think you should just bang him and get it out of your system.
That's what you say about everyone.
Nooo, I ran into two if my exes, both having their engagement parties at the bar. It was like a fucking Eskimo family reunion, but with more tequila.
what i'd really like is a nice helping of naked boyfriend with a side of naked boyfriend.
I woke up in someone's flat in Budapest and then got offered a free piercing before I left. Best. Hookup. Ever.
he sent me a green and gold dick pic and advised me I needed to come drive the snake from Ireland.
I'm just sitting here drunk and eating peas because my life sucks
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
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