I just got stood up by an 18 yr old. fmylife.
White wifebeaters are like orgies with fat people. Enjoyable in private, i'm sure, but in public: no thanksss.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
remind me not to puke in the mesh trash can tonight
He likes Jesus. Game over.
Oooh wait, he just told me he was high.
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
we bribed her with croutons and jello shots.
I don't know bro, all I could remember is that he kept saying hallelujah and calling that girl Slutimus Prime
I was tackling you out of excitement
Yeah thank goodness the stripper pole was there to break my fall.
Note to self: do not ride giant beanbag chair down stairs.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I know, but the fabulousness of my baggies should not be what defines my business as a drug dealer.
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
Dude. Woke up this morning wearing that chick's panties. 8/10, would recommend. I love tequila.
I am dancing alone in my bathroom because I was paranoid the neighbors were watching through the windows
Randomize
