her dad is making me watch Glen Beck, i only agreed because i penetrated his daughter earlier.
i didnt mean to paint the dog... it just kinda happened
So I heard you only slept with me because you were drunk...is that true?
That depends on who this is.
She interrupted us having sex in the tent by threatening to kill us if we "got cum on the lasanga."
I'm giving you a get out of sober free card for one of the nights
I tried to force my roommate into a sink last night. And I almost won.
You know you have crossed to the dark side of marriage when a nap is more important than jacking off
...I think i just fell in love with a random undergrad at first glance. He was the awkward young adult version of captain hook. Dear god i need to get off this campus.
I feel like passing out with my foot on your face has bonded us at a very fundamental level.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
I bought a vibrating wall dildo with my tax return. You?
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
That was when I yelled "Wisconsin powers activate!" and took off sprinting across the ice
You'd be proud...I've an early morning wake up booty call...he should be here around 6am ish...I told him to wake me nicely.
Had to clear my browser history. I figured if she used the search bar and her name came up, it might be a little creepy.
Randomize
