maybe we can find two twins tonight and bang them together and then my life is complete
i'm glad we're now at the level of friendship where we can comfortably discuss the quality of our shit
he went down on me with a nose plug on, you tell me how it went
Jordan and I are drunk and barred out at the liquor store sitting in the awesome $70 Corona bench bargaining with the owner for a lower price, all while passing the Belvedere bottle between the two of us. Real life. College has down this.
His words said "save me", but his penis said "I'll take my chances"
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
We're looking for the removeable roof from her Miata. Winner gets a 40.
You better keep a close eye on your uterus tonight cause I am looking good.
I was gonna start crying but as he was asking me for my info i saw him eyeing my rack. So I sorta started pushing them together. He asked me to get out of the car he made me turn around so he could check me out and then he said and I quote "okay ma'am. Everything is fine, I'm going to let you off with a warning. Next time if you're not wearing yoga pants you might not be as lucky" I am blessed.
Don't tell him that you hope he dies in a boring missionary position with his wife. That doesn't go over well.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
Tomorrow is my bachelor party. If I die tomorrow, please know I graded you a "check" as a sister. "Check-minus" when you got mouthy.
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
I woke up and there is a small Irish man playing call of duty in my room. Discuss.
my mom is drunk and is trying to get me to take a picture of her ass. what is life?
Randomize
