PS the last 3 guys I've hooked up with were a CEO, a mechanical bull operator and a magic the gathering player...I need a type...
Ur type is ready and willing
me texting you is like we have secret walkie talkies.
If relationships were based on ego stroking and meaningless sex, we'd be soulmates
In hindsight, trust falling your grandma was a bad idea. Sorry about that.
Drunkenly auctioned off my bed for 3 tequila shots
this is the second time this week i got a blowjob from a crying girl.
She was trying to fuck the exchange student from France. His English is really bad and the music was loud so she just pointed to a beer bottle and then her vagina.
You know it's going to be a good night when you're barking by 8:20.
Dude, that was like bongs ago.
What the hell do I have to give up to manifest a dick
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
Went kayaking. drunk. DID NOT FALL IN. Mission succesful.
My feelings for him are donzo molonzo but I can't turn down a pierced penis...
I'm giving drunk me full control of my body for the next few days. Please don't let me die.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
Randomize
