those girls across the street saw me hanging my towel off of my penis...they're coming over later
It totally doesn't make me a groupie if I hooked up with him before he was in the Olympics
as we waited for a manager to come open the door that we broke while having sex on the wall, we decided to go round two in the hallway before he came back.. god i love hotels.
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
this is why ugly people need low self esteem. it stops them from doing shit like this.
By the way, I'm pretty sure your husband is publicly advocating more BJs for my husband, via Facebook.
I asked the full emergency room who else was there because of homecoming and every single person raised their hand
What's the standard Christmas present for six months of booty calls?
Mobile recharge?
You are a lesbian wizard with red hair. You are willow
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Hold on... Are we having an intellectual conversation about porn?
Yup
I love us.
Well if YOU HAVE TO KNOW, we're laying across the street from the bar on that grassy hill trying to see who's she's with at the bar.
Like I thought me shitting my pants was bad today... Then the election happened.
I successfully cockblocked 5 people in one night. I wasnt getting any, why should they.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
