Are they still out there making out on the couch? How can we get them to leave?
I 'm gonna go stand naked in the kitchen with a knife
He is such a gentleman, he paid for my plan b
What time are you coming? Can you stop and get mouse traps and trojans?
You have mice?
no why?
So he passed out in the bathroom of the bar, woke up thinking he was somewhere else and called her flipping his shit because he thought she left him. She had to go into the men's bathroom to find him, and then he told her she was "trying too hard to be his girlfriend" over and over again.
Dont they live together now? Havent they been together for like two years?
Yeah. That's the best part. I always thought he was kind of a pussy but turns out he's a degenerate just like us. Welcome
How'd it feel making her break her religion?
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
You don't understand how difficult it is to give head with cotton mouth
On my way back to his place to see his "art". Why am I sure this is going to be nothing more than his dick in a box?
Ladies, we have an appointment at David's Bridal aurora this coming Sunday at 3pm. And an appointment at where ever tequila is served at noon.
No it'll be my boobs and the luge part will be from my nipples. Everyone will be sucking beer from my perfectly sculpted and partially melted tits.
Yeah the last text says "How many your ass,,,,, prepare it" so take that for what it is
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
It’s like a buffet of marriages! Every option is available to you!
He's a fucking ninja- think of the things he can probably do with his dick.
in the future we should consider sippy cups so we can drink and passout accordingly
Randomize
