yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
Dude. Remember the only two rules I set for that? Always have a sober friend and don't do drugs with a fat chick.
I'm hiding her cosmo magazine. the only sex tip she needs is to not handcuff her boyfriend to her roommates bed and lose the key
True. On an unrelated note I helped post bail for both of our ex girlfriends last night. Russian roulette: guess which one is pregnant?
I would fuck him In a heartbeat, an obese child running up stairs with an irregular heartbeat, heartbeat.
We were in the middle of fucking and she was just like "Do ya wanna play Harry Potter Scene It?" I musta been really bad lol Anyways, her tattoo healed nicely.
my cockatiel has aquired a taste for beer. I should not be allowed to own exotic pets.
It's after midnight. I didn't find the answer to my problem, but I did find the bottom of a bottle of vodka, so... there's that.
My Easter Basket from my parents consisted of one chocolate bunny and a massive amount of condoms and a single note saying "the pope approves of the use of condoms" love mom and dad
Fucking suck it up and drink your feelings like a normal human being.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
We're lying on the pavement outside of the college. No one has asked if we're okay. I think they all understand.
He got me to hold his phone, wallet, keys and pants while he hooked up with another girl.
we're gonna read the declaration of independence and do a shot for every word he doesn't understand.
Fuck you. All I remember from last night is telling random people that I'm in a "judgement free zone" then I threw up
Randomize
