He could be your dad!
We discussed that right before he asked for my number
I just had human shit waiting for me at the top of the escalator at Bowery. This is truly the Lord's day.
May the Lord look upon you in favor and give you pees.
Do you know my vagina holds 14 pints of water?
so stoned i ashed in my jack and coke like 4 times. drinking it anyway
I'm currently bartering with this guy so I can fuck his bi girlfriend. We're at 5 pizzas and he gets to watch us make-out.
I love you. I'm too high for this. Find a way. Make it happen. Live strong.
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
Precisely. She's an awesome drinking companion; yet, not so awesome mother-in-law material.
Just had a 40 min argument about how many celebrity guest appearances on Sesame Street were court ordered for DUIs.
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
Why am I sticky / covered in baby Tylonel?
You know you are high when you are so glad it wasn't your freshly buttered raisin bread that fell on your foot. It was your $400 Ipod
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
Between the deep breathing and nipple piercings , I thought I was in the twilight zone
Do you have feelings for this penis?
Randomize
