I tried to give up sex for lent. It feels weird that on easter I'm this excited to be a whore again
I was just walking through Burbank and saw a hobo using solar panels on his shopping cart. We must be in trouble if the hobos are researching alternative sources of fuel...
someone, somewhere in austin has to have a muppet
sorry i interrupted the heart to heart you were having with your bathrobe last night
I hope as the only other living being in this apartment you can explain to me why the toilet was full of cheerios this morning.
It went from cuddling and watching blood diamond to watching the three of them snort an entire $80 bag of blow off the coffee table
She gave me head while using a laptop on my stomach to go online. I've never seen a better feat of multitasking.
I think we need to teach you what straight means again
He always takes me to get taco bell after we hook up in his car. It's sort of become a booty call tradition.
just in the smoking shack with my sister cheering on a caterpillar make its cocoon
I can't even masturbate without crying fuck this break up
He has a beach house and a Simba tattoo. Our wedding is next Tuesday, hope you're free.
That's the 3rd guy I've made pass out from a bj. I may have super powers.
He spent ten minutes post bj, limp cock still out, in shock repeating 'best blow job ever'. So yes, yelling I am the penis queen out the car window was justified.
i woke up fully clothed with teenage dream on repeat. something is wrong with me
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