i almost got kicked out of the rave because i was trying to get in on some couple's makeout sessions
woke up in Sigma Chi. In his room. they are iniating pledges right now. Holy fucking shit mother of pearl.
Umm ok I'm kinda freaked out right now bc the chick that lives next door is either having tantric sex or slowly suffocating her dog to death.
i need to buy one of the child leashes to wear at mardi gras or else im never making it out alive
Tonights dinner consisted of washing down my plan b pill with a bottle of wine and toast. College is turning my life around
i feel we're the only people who'd use nyquil sexually
The less money I spend on drugs, the happier my mom will be.
HOLY FUCK COMFIEST CHAIR EVER
He's tweaking out . If he's on fucking bathsalts and eats my face like a chalupa pull the plug. I don't want to live with no fucking face. Pull. The. Plug.
If you can get her to make out with you without paying for it, I will personally make you president of the american lesbian league
that is terrible, if I can't drink Gatorade when I'm hungover I don't wanna live in this world. that's like denying wild rams to run free in the wild and frolic
I may have just tried to argue quantum entanglement as the reason I was still in her bed.
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
Don't forget to grab a pregnancy test and sloppy joe mix for tonight
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