Right when I walked into the party my boyfriend stood up and yelled, "HEY TITS, GET ME A BEER!"
Girl in my class with fire painted on her face. I. need. that. weed.
We'll both be dead in approximately 72-96 hours, with you bringing your liver out of retirement again, Favre.
i'm drunk and confused. there might be a 4 year old here.
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
How do you think the people in my class would react if I ripped all my clothes off and jumped on him right now?
My liver and I thought we knew what we signed up for. We were wrong.
Also CANADIAN LIPS TASTE OF MAPLE SYRUP AND APOLOGIES. SORRY.
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
When we were having sex last night, I told him I would replace him with tacos
i mean hes a break dancing puerto rican, how do you think the sex was?
He stopped me in the middle of a blow job to call his grandma for her birthday.
At least he has family values.
I'm just saying, if you haven't been dropped off at a Wawa at 5:30 in the morning by 3 cop cars, you're missing out
But what we lack in money, we make up for in dry humor and drugs
Only you could get too drunk for taco bell. I don't know if I'm jealous or ashamed. Go to bed.
Randomize
