Well I left you a voicemail but you probably won't be able to hear it because my mic is fucked up. I think you need to come down here and take it in for me.
I hate this phone so bad I'm going to lose all of my friends because of it
Yeah...you probably will...
well, you're marked off my christmas card list for next year.
I just found that girl ____ on facebook, her activities include "church nursery" yikes
I just wish we had the ability to download food from our TVs.
The funny thing about my wife cheating on me is that the guy probably has genital warts now. Sweet.
you think thats bad? Today I had to pop a zit on my sack.
if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
No, don't worry. We're not going to get THAT arrested.
There is no excuse for watching a Jesse McCartney movie.
You couldve had sex with 2 drunk chicks on an alligator slide.
I'd hate to be 100% hetero. Pretty sure they have less orgies
HOW MANY BOYS NOT ONLY APPROVE OF YOUR PLAN TO BECOME POCAHONTAS, BUT WANT TO MAKE SURE YOU DO IT RIGHT? One, the answer is one, and he is the best and if anyone ever tries to steal him I can assure you they will never be heard from again
My dad made a joke about you sending me strippers for valentine's day so clearly everything here is normal
He asked me for a pic so I sent him a pic of my boyfriends dick.
The last time the Patriots won the Super Bowl I lost my virginity. I can only imagine what'll happen if they win this year.
ugh my stomach is so upset-- didn't get a chance to take a violent enough hangover shit at work
Randomize
