Tell me why Im cashing out of Walmart with Smirnoff and catfood
we ended up on her 9 year old brothers bed and he saw the whole thing.... now he will know how to use his equipment
you kept yelling "this bitch stole my phone" to the guy who found you passed out in the parking lot
sitting in my room in a shopping cart. they couldnt get my legs out of the holes. i want breakfast.
I might be a bit. I accidently started hot boxing the bathroom. I'm just gonna go with it.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
Please tell me you've ingested more than weed and Oreos today
Will give head in exchange for a Netflix password. Serious inquiries only please.
Decided I'm going to wear a shirt that says "I'm sorry" whenever we go back to that fraternity
I texted him in the morning wishing him a day as spectacular as his dick was.
I spent the entire party sexting people's significant others for them because they were too drunk to do it themselves. I did quite well too. I should start a business
this old people party is bangin. they have apple cider with everclear in it
Omg I just looked in my purse from last night.. 10 bags of gummy bears.
His wife found the thong I “forgot” in his glovebox
Randomize
