Im partying with a unicorn. You don't even know.
how drunk was i? i pretended i was getting a blowjob from a fuckin dolphin in front of my dad. thats how drunk i was.
i just watched kanye west and taylor swift have a chugging contest. why cant halloween be every day
I just caught Brandon licking the fake chocolate on a smores ornament
She made a list of the things each of us had done wrong and assigned a point system. Guess who came out the loser?
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
That drug basically just makes anything that's in your mouth awesome
I'm going to buy you a pony but under one condition: you have to name it sarah jessika parker
Hahaha you puked all over his shirt.
You puked in the planter and everyone saw your snatch.
Well someones bitter they didn't get any.
I just had a Brazilian done for this guy. He's getting first-date sex whether he wants it or not.
Did you get your crutches off the street sign?
So I dropped $130 while buying shots for an army ranger, got my fake taken, almost went to jail, and came out of my black out when I was talking to the cops with a stolen detour sign in my hands.
i think i just encouraged him to glue googly eyes to my boobs
I was pretty pissed in the morning when I realized he had fucked the fake tattoo right off my chest.
Video on mandys page of you drinking upside down was finally put up...too bad all the comments were about me and him fighting in the background while he screamed "BLOW BIG BETSY!'
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