marko just referred to some fat asian and a portly friend as Jupiter and one of its moons. unreal. hyte!
the next morning i told him i was impressed that he remembered my name. he said it wasn't that hard when "tracy
I ate a lot of your sunchips. I mean a lot. Like 4 to 5 bags.
Let me just inform you of my purse contents right now. Three cum rags, a sock full of cum, xanax, and a fake moustache. This is my life.
There's nothing I can say to make me pepper spraying you any better
In all honesty of all my sexual conquests, his dick is probably my proudest moment.
I had a dream she was puking on me, but sadly in real life she was puking on me too
I can feel the judgmental stares of Christians from around the world right now.
arnt you supposed to become a mature adult when you move out of your parents house?
Moving out doesnt mean I'm mature, it means I can make pancakes and bacon at 3 in the morning and no one can judge me.
I ran into his family and they made me a ham sandwich and I asked if they wanted to come streaking. I felt they deserved the invite.
I round house kicked her emotions in the face
My mom and sister were over. When my drunk roommate came home, he yelled "GOT BITCHES IN MY CONDO"
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
someone found a bottle of whiskey in the bushes this morning when they were cleaning before an admissions event. i'm 95% sure it's mine..
You microwaved all of my silverware, I don't care if you spent all your money on tequila, you're paying for this.
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