I don't make mistakes...just understandable bad choices.
you dont need to remember merediths name haha. only jane
my mkouth tastes houw teh zoo smelllls
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
I wish my new phone didn't autocorrect so well. People will never experience the magic of my drunk texts because they think I'm making a coherent statement.
i wiped a booger on my final. end of semester present.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
Omg. I have a story to tell you later about that girl that just crawled on stage
No one parties like Jon. He once stole a cops hat, ran like the wind, partied all night with it, and dropped it off at the station the next day with a box of donuts as an appology.
We need a fire pit. Meat. And a keg.I mean like a cow we just carve from. And cook it. We can use the milk from the udder to make White Russians
Oddly enough I feel totally fine now. Clonazapam and red bull the breakfast of champions.
Passing out drunk in my therapists lobby may not be the best way to confirm my "stability"
honestly my period and I are just as surprised to see each other every month
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Randomize
