escape the fate? dumbest band name ever. how about escape the fart. now that is a show i would go see!
I am officially superior to you. I said "Go Go Gadget Dick" before I fucked her. I dare you to beat that.
so, on facebook you can become a fan of butt sex, and also premarital sex, but not premarital butt sex, which is what I was aiming for.
Just seeing my phone say "picture message from: Senor Floppy Cock", i knew it was going to make me smile.
Also, I found out tonight a major plus for being female is you can accidentally call the hot bartender sweet tits and she won't get mad.
We'll talk about this tommorrow when I'm not mistaking my fingers for French fries....
At the ER, will you come pick me up... Had an allergic reaction, wanted to see if I could eat a peanut without dying... Do you how bad this is evolutionary, I would have died back in the days of survival of the fitest by now
How do you tell an ex that banging less hot chicks than me is highly insulting? I almost want to try and get him laid with a pretty girl just to save some face for dating him so long.
Yeah. I made eggs in a microwave. I think that's an accomplishment this week, MOM.
In the liquor store when a straight girl and a gay guy were just arguing about who hooked up with the same guy first.
I need to wake up with a beard between my thighs more often, I'm a fucking saint.
it was like reliving my childhood drunk at a bar.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
I saw some guy masturbating in the Burger King parking lot and I’m just fucking done
send nudes
from the living room?
Randomize
