If i have to listen to his problems about his girlfriend, he should at least let me suck his cock.
He must hate going to the bathroom. Every time he does he is reminded how small his dick is.
its 10 pm and i am cleaning vomit off the ceiling. i am nowhere near drunk enough for this to be funny.
She showed me her prom dress from 2001, which still had her date's cum stain on it.
Oh, so that's why you call her jizzarella....
Just violated the laws of fuck-buddyship and talked to him about my personal life. I don't like it.
I found the perfect eye liner, it passed the blow job test, no smudging!!
Those foam number one hands, are the BEST socks.
This girl caught me staring at the cat but stroking the computer because it was closer, which is why I hate blunts.
The woman that sang I Touch Myself died today. There's only one appropriate way to honor her memory.
I'm on the job.
Pretty sure that propositioning you to fly across the country for sex fest '13 isn't something my husband would approve of.
"Where are you? Where are my keys? What is this guys name again? Why am I wearing two pairs of your pants?"
We are so drunk half our team had to bowl with a chaperone. We won every game. We drink
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
My brain and heart say thanks but my vagina isn't super pleased with you right now
It was a crazy night: tears were shed, blood was spewed, and bottles were emptied.
Randomize
