In honor of tonight, my penis will make an appearance
We named our party play list daddy issues
The child next door sounds like he's having vigorous sex in the backyard and it's making me very, very uncomfortable. I don't want to look.
it's just weird having a massive boner in the morning when you could have used it the night before.
Oh. Im drinking alone in a banana costume. Every time youre feeling down, i want you to think of me right now and know that your life is better than mine.
Road construction signs are deceptively heavy
I need to shotgun another beer. Where's the machete?
Is it related to planting your seed? Cause I don't know if you have studied the development of a tiny human, but that is some complicated shit.
Isn't everything in a man's life somehow related to him planting his seed?
At the drs she looked at my back saw your scratch marks and asked "does your back itch a lot?"
New year means new boundaries for the Brazilian lady.. I'm pretty sure I got wax on my asshole
our relationship was basically a one night stand, with a three week long, morning after
REWARD BLOWJOB!! STAY RIGHT WHERE YOU ARE I'LL BE THERE IN FIVE MINUTES.
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
MY HISTORY TEACHER IS FUCKING MY MOTHER. I am downstairs and i can hear the squeak of the bedsprings please I swear to god pick me up THIS INSTANT.
He was about to go in...and he fell off the bed. Ruined mood!
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