Anddd after the worst sex of my life, he said.."do you mind taking off the condom, tying it up, and throwing it at the door?" Weird.
The crowing achievement of my life is still the time I made a 3 course meal out of things I found in the dumpster.
the only thing i remember last nigh is talking to some chick for thirty minutes about cheese.
Good morning! Spongebob is on channel 257 when you wake up. Help yourself to breakfast. You were great last night. See you when i get back.
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Definitely just puked in this corn maze. Families are staring.
I tell myself every day I shouldn't be friends with you
This is the most boring acid ever. I feel like a child. But thats okay, I've been a child before, its nothing new.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I just found glitter from our Father's Day party on my balls this morning.
DAD WTF
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you told the taxi driver your yeast infection was so bad you wanted to F a popsicle
I'm not sure why, but my salad smells like a Big Mac. Or maybe that's just the smell of yesterday's, seeping through my skin.
My roommate just yelled at me for coughing. I'd like to yell at her for doing lines off our counter last night.
I'm going to get drunk, come back, call my grandma, and eat all those scrambled eggs.
Optimism doesn't exist before 2pm nor do any other emotions.
i think i puked but i couldve been a dream and i may have madeout with a 20 something guy infront of my managers...also possible dream.
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