We hit a deer, sort of a buzz kill. But it's fine.
that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
the recession has oofficially hit my standards.
im at a bar with my dad last night and he got hit on more that I did
I just walked in on my dad looking at porn. is there protocol for this?
remember when jerking off was fun and not a neccesity
i was considerably less excited after they told me my present didnt have a penis
He was drinking hot tub water because i refused to get him a glass of water...
Lets just fuck. We'll decide if it was makeup or breakup sex after.
It was the classiest, most strategic and inspired vomiting I've ever witnessed. Like a blind mans first sunrise. A priests first prayer. Or a virgins first orgasm.
You were trying to swim on the floor while eating a hot-dog bun and laughing about how much you hate bread and didn't understand why you were eating it..
Just come get me. Somewhere there's hobo that's going to want his dumpster back, and I kinda want to be gone when he discovers the vomit.
Yes, yes I will fake crap in his house for you.
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Is it just me or did we have a heart to heart talk while you were naked last night?
Randomize
