forget your mom, you can see her anytime. A one night stand only happens ONE night.
remember the good old days of high school when a half gal would last for more than a nite
I sat down with you and helped you write your will last night. I was THAT convinced that you weren't waking up.
Her boobs more than make up for all the flaws with her personality.
pregamed for the floor meeting. so stoned. i keep thinking my RA is shrinking.
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
His arresting officer when they were busting up the squat party recognized him from the anti-drone protest. He was like Jesus kid, you were sober last time.
yeah well, its not like my astrogynecology class is teaching me what i need to know
im almost 90% sure there is no such thing as astrogynecology.
Do I go to spinning class and try to redeem myself from going drunk, or do I wait a week and hope they forget I fell of the bike?
I can see your house from here
Get off of his fucking roof
You know you hit Mardi Grad bottom when you come to in someone's kitchen on the floor and you are eating gumbo out of a Mixing bowl with a ladle......yeah rock fucking bottom
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
you took my virginity. you can't have my alcohol too.
At some point you said you just wanted to get laid, so we had a moment of silence for your dead sex life...
When I planned out my evening, "co-author lesbian vampire erotica" was not anywhere on my list of expected activities.
Me neither, but hey, this is where we've ended up. Let's embrace the moment.
Randomize
