32 messages asking me to suck his dick. And there for a minute i thought i was desperate. ha!
Hahahaha
make that 40.
hanging on that rope, lady gaga looks exactly like a used tampon
all i know is that if they can hide that much blood in her outfit, they definitely could have hid a penis
i was taking the test and had to adjust my boner and my teacher thought i was cheating or something
FYI you just passed out mid-blow job. Consider this my letter of resignation.
if theres anything i pride myself on, its my ability to look homeless.
getting a black eye the first day of spring break really sets the tone for the rest of the week.
Got laid at work. Yes, AT work, why they let me run this tennis center by myself speaks to their poor judge of character.
Life's too short to be sucking dicks in cars for the rest of my life.
dude I don't even care if I'm getting catfished the point is I'm going to get laid. hot bitch, fat bitch, skanky bitch, i don't care my penis is having an adventure tonight regardless
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
well apparently i sat in the bathroom staring in the toliet at my vomit. it was blue. how was your night?
I stole the butter cup cuz i brought home my rolls and chicken and didnt want the butter everywhere. I miss your body because its amazing.
I'm at a Tim Horton's and two girls just came in handcuffed to eachother
I’ve cut back on drinking and now my body can’t fight off all the bad germs without the alcohol. That’s why I keep getting sick
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