I bet a guy could be masturbating under the table now and people would just think he was clapping along.
Zach says you can't see his penis until after we're married...not sure why?! Bt then he said he thinks maybe you already have on the wild animal night!
he is training for a marathon but can't last more than five minutes on top. worst tuesday night ever
he just found out the funeral is this morning so i'm wearing last night's clothes and look like a total slut.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I swear that when I have my own bathroom, I'm gonna lock myself in there and masterbate for at least 3 days in sheer appreciation of it.
Lost is over, my longest committed relationship is coming to an end.
Please don't die.. At a gay bar... On a Wednesday. Obituaries are not allowed to be that entertaining.
It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.
Having to grow a landing strip to cover the bruises from pole dancing. Thanks for the birthday present, but next time, maybe just a gift card?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
People don't tend to fuck with you when they think you have someone else's blood on your face
So he got the TA job but i told him its not official until we have a quickie on his desk. He offered to break into his office. He doesnt start until this fall.
Remember how we use to say "this will be the year I'll get my shit together!" And like we stopped doing that because we know that isn't happening anytime soon.
My New Years resolution is to not hook up with random guys.
Mine is to not hook up with anyone who has a kid.
I am a unicorn in a field of flowers, you asshole.
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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