So I just found panties on our kitchen floor that had a slit in the vagina section. Does that mean shes open for sex, or she has a penis?
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I watched the entire movie Forgetting Sarah Marshall before I realized it was in Spanish.
I kind of feel like guidos are mythical creatures.
I knew you were drunk when you poured scotch on a croissant and ate it.
Want any specific kind of beer?
Yeah. Alcohol flavor.
Got it. Anything but Miller.
Just saw 30+ dicks. Explain later.
I woke up with someone else's vomit on my ass. That's how I'm doing today.
I had to call maintenance to come unclog the toilet.
Something to remember me by.
Post-shopping-cart-scooter-jousting victory fuck?
he suggested we do it doggy style cuz it was his dead dogs birthday...i had to do it
He bought the 12 pack of condoms. I take that as a sign of serious commitment.
I woke up with a shot glass nestled between my boobs like a baby bird.
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
Randomize
