hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
So someone hacked my email and facebook and posted a boob pic I took a few years ago as my profile picture. I feel like an MTV commercial.
i told them to call me paula dean as i was making all 10 for $10 boxes of pizza rolls in the microwave
First lesson of the year: don't close the bar on mondays
remember.. you're not a homewrecker.. you're just creating options for him..
Whiskey + Water + Crystal Lite does NOT = refreshing summer time drink.....
'Twas I. Do you have any idea what it's like waking up to see you sent a text inviting someone to partake in "sexy rumpus?"
I just don't know about this life anymore. Quite frankly I think I belong up there in the great blue, lounging on a cloud sippin tea with Jesus
I wish a box of wine came w a hose. It'd be so much easier to drink from.
Okay so, sorry but last night we had to put a note on your chest and a key around your neck just so you would make it home.
Oh also we fucked while one of the old Rudolph movies was playing on tv so it was festive
Heard I spat fire in your face last night. Wish I could say that I'm sorry
House vote, we're revoking your 151 privileges
I'm sorry.
I can't decide which is the most disgusting: emily having sex on the stairwell of a frat, michelle shaving her vagina with a razor she found in a frat bathroom, or me getting fingered on the dance floor by some rando. opinions?
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
I think it's a bit on the nose for the Uber driver to play stairway to heaven while driving like A psycho.
Randomize
