After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
who cares. he's ugly and has a dick this big -->
I'm giving up shame for lent. Here come the best 40 days and nights of my life.
What are the odds of finding the one hot Australian dude with erecile dysfunction?
I think I pulled my groin stumbling back from the bar. That or the hippo I woke up next to.
FYI If I die in my sleep it is because I drank a bottle of coke from 1986. I needed a mixer
It's a sign that no dudes december is about to start: I have a yeast infection.
I've blown him while he hit my bong, I've blown him while he played video games and now I'm looking for a new challenge. Don't even try suggesting a blumpkin.
From what I can tell at a cursory glance, it seems that last night I fell asleep on string cheese and it melted into my bra.
We had him convinced Visine is flammable. He was genuinely freaked out that everyone would know when he was stoned.
we gave you a glass of water and you just started yelling: TWO STRAWS, PATS AN ENGINEER HE'LL FIGURE IT OUT
Well yeah connect the two together, then you can lay down and drink.
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
UPDATE: IM NOT A TEEN MOM LETS GO PARTY
I just bout myself an edible arrangement for myself and had it delivered to work. I even wrote myself a note. This is a new low for me.
Just set the kids up with doughnuts downstairs so I could go up and masturbate uninterrupted. I am such a good mom.
Randomize
