I remember having a drink with vegetables in it. They said it was a mojito, but it tasted like cabbage.
haha i love mojitos
ya and i hate cabbage
god I hate her. why can't she just fuck and leave like a normal slut.
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
I can now tell my grandchildren Central Park has really great spots for quickies...
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
So we became Pizza Strippers- we stripped and asked for slices of pizza in return.
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
So what if I got a tattoo on a bus, it was sterile.
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.
He was tripping his balls off and kept aggressively saying SIT ON MY FACE. 5 hours and countless orgasms later I've decided I must never let this man go.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
You know that pill i snorted last night? Yeh, its just hitting me now..... At work
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
I do have a moral compass! I can’t help it if it only points at penises
Randomize
