I really think my calling is to star in a Live Links commercial
I just saw a guy masturbating vigorously at the bus stop across from del taco at 2:30am...im pretty sure he wasn't even homeless
oh God, I have a dick of a middle schooler
i just made my mom cry by blowing spit bubbles.
I woke up, not remembering how or when or why i was even there and looked over to find Steph spooning with an adult black man.
You drunk dialed me talking about the stages of mitosis. There is no way you didn't ace your bio final
I should take him calling me "a freak of nature" after sex as a compliment, right??
I was grinding on him when mosquitoes starting biting us and ruined every damn thing. I just wanted to fuck on a slide under the stars. It's every girls dream.
Sometimes you've gotta crawl to stay concious
I'm warming McDonald's pies on my heater cause I'm too high for the microwave.
Pretty sure keeping my vibrator in the same drawer with the weed makes it work better. I fall asleep almost immedi
Hey so I got my period
Thank god I wasn't ready to deal with sober you for 9 months
I know I joke about running from my problems a lot but I'm 3 miles off-campus and need a ride
Are you texting me while pooping again?
I'm also playing fetch with the dog
Bug bite on my vagina. I think we need to stop this 'sex in awesome places campaign.'
Randomize
