If she didn't want me to pass out in her bathroom, then she shouldn't have such a furry rug in there
you puked in the cab and all over yourself and tried to convince the cabby it was there already when he got upset... then you puked again. not too convincing are you
Just fucked a hooker at a motel in New Jersey. Two states down, 48 to go.
so this guy comes in from the patio covered in puke and says "we gotta go"...Yup u need to go is an understatement
i kinda regret how quickly i gave it up to him, but i just wanted the regular fucking to begin soon. ah we made good memories.
i must've hopped out the car and eaten some leaves...even when your'e drunk that's not acceptable
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
I just put fruit snacks in my sangria instead of real fruit. Its like freshman year all over again..
We couldn't afford sangria freshman year. We're lucky we had fruit snacks..
Just remembered I railed lines while holding a puppy
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I'm gonna do it. I'm gonna write gay mortal kombat fanfic. May the gods be praised for whisky
I was legit late to work one day Bc it took me so long to get a good nude
What are you gunna do with your life today
put it back together
I just peed on myself the semester has officially began.
I’ve gone two rounds already this morning and I’m ready for a third. The moon is in the house of sluticus hornius.
Randomize
