so i woke up to her 8 year old asking for a bowl of cereal...
i may or may not be watching the land before time
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
She just told me she's too full for a reach-around. Sad.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
She told me my parents were awesome for leaving me uncircumcised...
Thanks for having 911 ready when I jumped off the balcony
The vagina on Hilton Head is mighty fine this time of year.
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
he said we should drink responsibly and we all just kinda sat there laughing at him
Is it sad that I planned a a romantic trip to dunkin donuts for and with myself on Saturday, then added an equally romantic after midnight stroll through the half off candy sale? I find that worthy of adding a few cats to my collection agree?
We just got busted fucking in the hammock by his roommate...I'm so out of here as soon as hes asleep....
I'm so happy for you. But I still have to shave because a woman has needs and this woman needs an orgasm.
So about that you can bill me for the chair but it was David's idea to jump from the window sill into the washer with "clothing pillows of cloudiness" to land on to get ahold of him you have to phone his mother
I just talked to her she really hates you like a lot
Dear Douchebag, I would just like to formally issue this fuck you. You will be receiving a letter in the mail soon. With all of your stuff.
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