that thing about your dad's boner was meant to be a compliment
Clearly I made an impression.
Or at least your vagina did.
I've reached too hung over to move status will you bring me something to drink?
I moved out 2 weeks ago remember?
Can you ship it to me then?
I've never been to a "going away to jail" cookout. do we bring a present?
This conversation has now reached a level of awkward that even a passerby streaking hobo couldn't break.
Nothing brings compassion from a group of cafe workers like walking in and asking if they have a 'hangover special'
There's going to be a velveeta shortage. I'm not drunk any more, this is just dire info.
Don't have sex in a tent there are so many opportunities for infections
Instead of saying hi she asked if she could touch your dick through your ski bib and NOW I understand why you wore it to the bars
Tbh you just need to fuck it out like I don't know another solution
Stay home. Ain't nothing out in these mean streets but plan b and regret
The sad moment you remember you have no power for a week and can't flush.....
Wrong number bro but that sounds like a damn shame.
If you can't trust the person at the taco cabana drive thru, who can you trust?!
Weight watchers just said "you've tracked beer three times recently, want to make it one of your favorites?" I'm begining to understand why I needed to go in the first place.
Bro, I was just laying in bed with this girl and her boyfriend came an woke me up
Randomize
