I hate it when I can only see straight when I close one eye. I feel like that deserts the purpose of seeing with two eyes
He felt like a one man threesome
I was arrested last night for attempting to flee and elude. I wasn't really trying to run from the police. I was drunk and lost in the woods. I thought it was pretty obvious when I was waving at them from my puddle of puke that I wasn't really hiding.
I have minimal recognition and a lot of burns on my tongue and my vagina hurts.
I need to have sex with you on our hotel room window ledge... This is a need not a request.
could you please tell me why you thought vodka soaked band aids were a good idea?
He just asked for the blowjob I promised him 3 years ago that he'd get the next time Michigan beat Ohio State. Goddamnit.
It looks like someone bombed the living room with his and your clothes, bra, packing peanuts, nerf gun and ammo, rc helicopter, leftover chinese food and a leather paddle.
It was almost as bad as the time I peed on the floor of the Pentagon's subway station.
I'm beginning to worry that I seem to get along best with people when I'm naked with them.
I'm turning twenty & the only honorable way to exit my teens is by slapping the fuck outta the bag. You better be in.
He said he could outsmoke me so I challenged him to a weed duel. I don't always very competitive but when I do...
My favorite part of you downing a fifth of fireball in my apartment by yourself is the shot glass in the sink. It's like you attempted moderation and were just like "Fuck this."
Seriously considering taking a nap at lunchtime in my car. That. Hung. Over.
Did you guys just have three hour sex? You both stopped and restarted texting me at the same time
If I were to say yes, would we still be friends?
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