Spent $1500 on bottle service and have a lump on my head from hitting the nightstand while puking. Excess? Nooo Success.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Her vagina should come with caution tape.
omg i forgot michael madsen was in free willy this is the most epic movement of my stoned life
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
I just got eleven picture messages of my dick and balls hanging out of my shorts last night. I guess it really is summer when the fratastic, man-thigh exposing shorts come out...
Bro i heard that. I've seen so many balls this month its like march madness all over again
It looks alright. The blow up doll is in the microwave, and she has forks in her ass
Just hit a cone using a lit sparkler. Tastes like I might die but it was magical.
Well, after emptying the contents of my stomach into a fucking rose bush, the only things moving through my digestive system are pills, coffee, and my own lip gloss. If that gives you any idea what kind of a day I'm having.
It's a lube slip n slide down the hallway now. Details later.
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
You just accidentally called me. You kept saying "Really?! Really?!!" So I can only assume you are having sub par sex
Me and my liver are not on speaking terms.
She puked off the side of the cruise ship onto a newlyweds balcony table and they watched it all happen then they made her clean it up
Would it be weird if i sent him a "happy fuckiversary" text?
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