You know, Peter Parker would not have been nearly as cool if he had gotten bitten by an ant.
bang him and never speak to him again. also, queef in his face.
i dont this its possible to queef on command.
best thing about halloween? there are pumpkins to puke in EVERYWHERE!
woke up to an overdrawn credit card. did you order the dawsons creek boxset last night?
i hope so.
Well i have to fuck at least one of your roommates this year to keep the tradition alive.
Just so you know, a true one night stands ends with a 7 minute blow job after eating a sandwich she made for you while the taxi you called for her comes
We're not even buying beer. Just vodka. In pre-retrospect this was a bad idea but we're doing it anyway
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Pros and cons of selling your underwear to a guy on craigslist. Go.
Come down off the roof.
I'm chatting with a girl missing a front tooth. I find it quite distracting. I'm sure you have deduced what bar I'm drinking in on this monday night.
At 2pm we are having a MANDITORY house meeting about last night. ALL must be in attendance!
I'd like to review the planning and execution of the party to determine how we hosted a naked party, to determine how we can have more.
Not many people can say they've been photo bombed by an antelope. I sure did.
We were right in the middle of sex and all of a sudden his kids toy story action figure starts talking "I think the word your searching for is Space Ranger." A literal Buzz kill. It was equally creepy and hilarious.
He put his number in my phone as Steve handsome
He put on star wars porn, i thought it was hilarious last night but now i'm wondering why he has star wars porn
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