I think my emotional moodswings have reached a new low. I cried for the entire duration of changing my tampon.
i wouldn't be half as slutty if there were better things to do.
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
Whyyyyy do my fingers smell like Chinese food.
i'm as serious about my hair as jesse from full house.
that is uncle jesse to you, show some respect.
and apparently i was drunk enough to follow up with "I'd let me touch your boobs" ... not my best line.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
you called me and cried until i agreed to record a rap about our lives with you
I have now slept with people from more countries than Ive actually visited. Can we make this a game somehow? Like foreign fuck buddy bingo?
buying new sheets for when my mom visits. I can't in good conscious let her use the ones from last night
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I mean we had sex in a crib. You tell me how my night was.
Someone took a picture of their balls on my phone last night. BEAUTIFUL PACKAGE. I will find this man.
They tried to convince me I broke Alex's nose. Also they stranded me on the roof.
That's what they get for locking a drunk laxer in Mitch's car.
I have to lie to someone and move five gallons of fermenting alcohol across campus but after that i'll hit you up 4 sho
Randomize
