if i could have babies with my dog i totally would cause i know thay would be fucking hott babies.
I had a dream once that juice was flowing out of my kitchen faucet
and you tried to get a free burrito from Potbelly's
Apparently last night drunk me put my phone in a cup of beer to make it "fun scented".
She started acting like she was actually a deaf person...so I went along with it and acted like her interpreter. I don't think anyone bought it.
At the time, making out with dudes for keg money seemed like a genius idea. Now I realize it was borderline prostitution.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
We ended up sleeping in the emergency room for safety (you know, well lit, cameras..) and then an ambulance drove us to the train station around 4am. great last night in australia.
You can't find true love with Budweiser and a futon
Stop thinking your God dude. You passed out. God doesn't pass out...
I'm sorry I put my balls through your watch. On another note your roommate had them on his shoulder too sry
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
Please tell me that nice older woman you're with at the bar is not your comp&lit professor.
We're going to watch the inauguration and fuck. Or fuck and watch the inauguration, I'm not picky, just get your ass over here by ten.
Randomize
