you ended the night by relentlessly sucking on my hips bone and hand demanding milk. you said it was because you were a tiger
You were telling me about how you were gonna marry him, have his children and name them all woodchip.
I gave the naked guy in the hotel hall a pop tart. He stopped crying.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
Some might say its sad that I am willingly picking up a coke habit to be the skinniest bridesmaid... I think it shows my great dedication and proves I should have been maid of honor.
I hope they realize that to me "collecting their mail" is synonymous with "fucking in every room in their house, and twice in the party shower."
Nope my penis exudes pure oxygen in times of crisis.
i have a raging boner for Saturday, day drinking is one of my top favorite things right next to alligator wrestling and blowing shit up
I yelled at the dude who smoked him up "YOU'RE THE REASON I'M NOT GETTING LAID" then went to bed. So yeah, I guess it was an ok night.
My body is telling me there was tequila. My pictures say it was Jeff's fault
It's my birthday, if I want to stay home, get stoned and watch the gameshow network, that's what I'm going to do.
Lots of tissues. Maybe pizza. Only time will tell. The stages of political grief.
You were just laying there on the air mattress watching spongebob with a knife. We tried to take it from you, but you insisted it was your emergency escape in case you started to float off.
I woke up with a jacket; in it passport, hockey tickets, sunglasses, credit card, bank transactions
I BLEED THE BLOOD OF MY ANCESTORS WHO FOUGHT SO BRAVELY FOR MY FREEDOM
cool u want pads or tampons
tampons please
Randomize
