And by that I mean I told her the plot of the first batman movie as my life and it took her like 20 minutes to figure it out
He told me that he wanted to break up with his girl friend but only after we had sex, only for him to make sure I'm worth it..
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
I wonder what my nutrition professor is going to think when I have to put 21 keystone lights, a bottle of merlot wine, and 5 rum and cokes and 4 shots of tequila on my dietary analysis
They were picking gravel out of my face for an hour. I think I took more out of the road than the road did of me.
Barfights against pavement aren't genrally won by people. Props.
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
Thanks for letting me in last night. I was drunkenly sleepwalking.
I think I may have accidentally stepped in fire
Whatever you do tomorrow don't let me put on the Borat mankini and yell "POLAR PLUNGE!!" while diving into the pool
The pool is covered.....
Like that would stop me.
It's a sad statement on my day when the high point was getting a pap test.
So I couldn't find Leif..... He fell asleep in our closet upstairs trying to get changed into warmer clothes
My memory of last night is a delicious blur of tits, ass, and alcohol.
My vagina feels like a chupacabra ripped me apart using its mythological set of needle pointed teeth
Riddle me this: I can stream porn just fine but try and watch my college class and nooo it won't work
Be there in 4 minutes
In any case. I fucked a married couple recently. Know what a straight person would've done there? Been super weirded out by 1/3 of the genitals there, that's what.
Randomize
