RAWRRRR IMA PURPLE DINO
dude i'm sitting right next to you.. stop texting me
girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
It's officially time to start saving up weed money for the NCAA tournament
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
By "met a doctor" I really mean "fucked a pre med student"
Why we can't turn this into a healthy friendship where I cheat on my boyfriend with you and you feel better knowing everything wrong with my life is beyond me.
I have dibs on his crisis of faith.
Delete that photo of me. My ass looks WAY to good it in to be on Facebook for everyone to see. You gotta earn that shit.
The judge mental looks i am getting while looking at porn on my phone sitting in the urgent care waiting room is gonna get way worse when they find out im here to see if im pregnant
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Everywhere I look there's another kitten this is so ideal
Can I live on acid? Kittens man. Kittens.
I want you to get off the plane and get directly into my pants
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
I just want to see you and express my feelings in a drunken manner, but in a sweet way like my english accent.
He just compared fucking my vagina to a snow flake falling on his forehead: gentle.... I'm not sure if that's a compliment or not.
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