I woke up and went to my kitchen naked and decided I wanted a fruit cup. Ate said fruit cup. Look over and notice my male neighbor is staring at me
I just puked while everyone was releasing balloons. Im to hungover for this memoial service. Rest in peace great gramps.
I shouldn't have had sex with her. I feel that I may have opened a pandora's vagina
smelt my brothers hands when he got home to see if he lied about smoking again...he didn't lie but i definitely didn't expect to smell some other girls vagina.
obviously you don't know the college version of myself. if there's something i'm ALWAYS willing to put up for it's alcohol.
I sorta feel bad for the actual person in my fake id that got a drunk in public charge.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
ok. i'm ready for you to come back and test the structural integrity of this futon.
Two options. One, you listen while I freak out. Two, we have mediocre to awesome car sex and don't talk. Either way, I'll be there by 7
He said he was a banker. Then he told me he made 15 an hour. I said he was a shitty banker then fucked his friend.
Your roommates will be treating you to many anecdotes about my intentions to have aggressive sex with you. I'm sorry in advance.
CALL ME OLD FASHIONED BUT PEE IS FOR TOILETS
I have an ideal penis or slightly above ideal penis in every country that isn't ruined by the specter of communism
Our breakfast options are microwave popcorn, wavy lays and fireball
I apologize for there being a shopping cart in the living room. I don't know how why or where i got it.
Randomize
