I want to jerk off but my dog won't leave me alone. It's the most depressing cock block ever.
how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
He tried to say the picture wasn't him. Like I'd forget his curved boner.
This adderall has me convinced I'm an Econ major.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She kept telling me to calm down. I was on the floor with my eyes shut, not moving. In levels of calm I was one step above coma patient
Are we really going to sext in Pokemon battle fashion?
We got a kitchen table so we would eat together more. So far we've played drunken monopoly and had sex on it.
Cassie is wearing a baseball cap. This rebound is going nowhere
I'm beer bonging chocolate fondue. That's how my Valentines Day is going.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's 3 in the morning and there is a bird chirping it's head off outside. GOD DAMNIT THIS IS NOT A TIME TO SING OF YOUR CHEERFUL BIRD MERRIMENT YOU STUPID BIRD CUNT!
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
How do you tell a vegan you want him to stuff you like a turkey?
I love you, and I just washed my hair in my work sink with handsoap.
Secrets from the porn industry: liTERALLY SHOVE A SEA SPONGE UP YOUR VAGINA GO ON DO IT
I can't wait to see you & have espresso-fueled sex
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