I just had to sit down with an 11 year old who threatened to dick slap a girl.
The only thing he got me during our relationship was a cum stain in my backseat. I choose winners.
You said you were collecting Asians for your Kate Gosselin costume.
When you wake up, I have rum and am in town
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He thought the strainer was a giant bowl to puke in.
Fell down the metal stairs and some guy tried to fight me after you left. I fell asleep with cadbury eggs in my mouth too.
I'm petty sure you said "hold on let me make my nipples hard, they look better"
You called me a pussy and continued to eat an entire jar of peanut butter with only your hand.
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
yeah, never be friends with someone with shitty eyebrows.. they obviously already make poor life choices
You're officially the most high maintenance man I've ever had inside me.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
masturbating on the freeway is more stressful than it sounds
What a better way to celebrate that I'm single by becoming a stripper and making $1000 in one night
Yes we can sext. I'm taking my socks off.
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