was it mean of me to chase him screaming "DO YOU EVER WANT TO BE ABLE TO HAVE CHILDREN?!"?
There are the 2 BIGGEST tools by me-- at our table. I hate them. But they're not ugly and I may make out with them later. And hate myself. Definitely hate myself.
I really hope I'm not the first person who's had to wash vomit off of cash and credit cards.
You told me that you only walk into walls because it makes the room stop spinning.
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
I have so many hands. So. Many. Hands. I can feel arms that I don't have yet. They tickle. I can see the blood in my eyes. I think something is happening. The hands!!! I'm ticking myself with hands I don't have yet! I can't stop giggling about my notyet hands!
Our cab driver looks like Kim Jong il, and you're missing a fascinating conversation about Katie wanting to be carbon dated.
Well, I'm at the grocery store wondering whether I exist or not.
I have grass duct taped all over my body
that's all we do, eat and hve sex, eat and have sex. he thinks it's bad and that we need to talk more or whatever but I'm just not seeing the problem...
I threw up in a mitten on my drive home. Wow.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
It's sad that I'm more proud of my Twitter account then my resume
You're telling that to the kid drinking Jack in nothing but a graduation cap
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