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• (856): View more from New Jersey

  Locked out of the apartment with just a box of wine way to begin the weekend.

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• (806): View more from Texas

  A guy just tried to send me a pic of his penis & my phone sent me a disclaimer saying "the components were unsuitable for your terminal"

  (501): View more from Arkansas

  Even your phone knows you shouldn't sleep with him...

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• (405): View more from Oklahoma

  You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.

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• (617): View more from Massachusetts

  so exactly what does one wear to an abortion clinic?

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• (715): View more from Wisconsin

  I saw a 60 yr old mans penis last night. Just for the record.

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• (206): View more from Washington

  Considering adding a large amount of vodka to my tomato cup-a-soup at work. Save me.

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• (832): View more from Houston, Texas

  I went on my dinner date pretending that my lunch date didn't jizz in my hair.

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• (607): View more from New York

  I literally have a bandage on my dick that's how bad she is at handjobs

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• (317): View more from Indiana

  It sounds like I am drunk, but I am not. I just have a concussion.

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• (440): View more from Ohio

  Watching him and my sister argue over a rum and coke about who's going to chop the coffee table in half with a hatchet...

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• (540): View more from Virginia

  It was great. They teamed up to hit on these two frat boys all night, until the frat boys started making out with each other. The looks on their faces...

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• (480): View more from Arizona

  There is a 90 percent chance I threw up in a mailbox last night....

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• (404): View more from Georgia

  So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow

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• (504): View more from Louisiana

  Can I just text her like "yo sorry I fucked your boyfriend, let's go get sushi" or like nah

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• (256): View more from Alabama

  like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..

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