in the event that i am dead, my body is laying in the intersection of ... the pearl in springfield. it was my friend's 21st but i think i'm dead. wearing a black top. like i said, probably dead.
Drank beer out of a hotwheels bucket all night
so i gave him head in the movie theater last night. thought we were alone til I heard the clapping from the other side of the theater after he'd finished.
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
After he told me that it's up to him to carry on his family name, I almost felt bad for not letting him cum inside me.
So I realized I'm not completely sober when the automatic toilet flushed and I screamed
It's an "im going to have to shit with the lights off" type of morning
I just want to know who nailed the chicken nugget to the door.
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
The shit I just took was four, very distinct colors. Jager night was a success
Yeah, my new jeep also came with custom license plates that read 4SKIIN. Not "4 skin" but "4 skiing" thanks mom and dad
I can't tell if I have the Pizza Hut shits or beer shits
If u ever apologize to me for "too-rough" sex again I will suspend ur all-access pass to my vagina indefinitely
So like if I threw up in my purse is that "don't ever show your face in public again" worthy or just slightly frowned upon
If there's a nuclear war you can come over. I'll feed you soup and you can rig up car batteries to power the coffee pot and toaster. We can grow tomatoes and chickens.
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