i don't like sucking hair
She touched you, you're now contaminated for 48 hours. Please watch out for rashes, hives and STDs as she's known to have all three.
The coffee and champagne are fighting over who gets to absorb the one pancake in my stomach
its mom's weekend..did we need to couger proof the apt?
super high. so of course there was a shoot out at the bank. there are 20 cop cars no lie. if i make it out of this i will never smoke again
My mom gave me a book called "why good people do bad things"
I didn't realize you were one of the "good people"
For future reference, never invite the people you met at Dunkin Donuts at 2am to your house to watch Dogma
Its fiiine, tuesday is like the thursday of wine wednesday. And i mean, free beer for girls at the grove...im not NOT gonna take that offer up!
Look at your life. Look at your choices.
You put your name in his phone but not your number then screamed "Open the door!" and jumped out of the car
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
I might stash a bottle of vodka in your mailbox, that way if I wanna leave early I can drink in your frontyard till you get back.
He's coming over again? GIRL, you're thoroughly enjoying the month of Dicktember.
Nothing says hangover like being in the doctors office getting a tampon removed from deep inside
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