Do you realize we just stole 12 dollars worth of quarters each from the office petty cash just to get manicures? New high or New Low?
Memory from last night that just came back: me forcibly jacking him off while he yelled I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS I DONT LIKE HANDJOBS
I just realized i masturbated to the home shopping network. I either need to get a boyfriend asap, or a subscription to a porn website, or i just need to stop taking ambien
I have never pre-planed for a better sober morning than lacing my muffin batch with tylenol.
you were sitting on my toliet with a double cheesburger in your hand asking me how the cheeseburger even got there.
The kid taped his penis down so that he wouldn't get a boner while dancing with girls. Oh these middle school man whores never cease to amaze me.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
is it bad i banged a 25yr kindergarten teacher last night?
No thats like a top 10
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
he fell down during beer pong and the chick told him to rub the sand out of his pussy and suck it up. i am in love
I also tried to solve my dog's itching problem with crystal healing. I'm so high, dude.
I just rubbed amethyst all over him and kept saying 'no bites.'
I was watching porn and wanted to change the tab to another video to cum but I clicked the wrong tab and it was a gif of a dog but I was coming and couldn't do anything so did I jill off to a dog? I feel like I should be guilty
Haha just talked to the dude you bit on Thursday. He has been growing a beard to hide the bruising....
“before I show up tits a blazing, what’s the sexual temperature here?“
Randomize
