He looks like the kind of guy that still collects pokemon cards
A cab driver remembered me by name, address, and ex fuck buddys nick name from a year ago. I mustve been one memorable shit show.
I just dropped my cookie in my glass of milk and looked at it for ten minutes. Thanks for telling me you made weed cookies.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
You probably don't remember. You were drunk and getting your tits drummed on like haitian bongos in a voodoo ritual.
Going to.goingto.gtoing to DIE DIE DIEEEE......i feel like everyeone impotrant in my life like MLK is judging me.... saddd day
My face is tingly. And my legs are being massaged by golden elves.
I really hope the fuck ferry pays me a visit to close out 2011 properly.
I was at that stage of drunk where it seemed appropriate to just make out with everyone. As like a greeting.
I hear you
I said you have to fuck the german guy and take one for the team...it's a once in a lifetime opportunity you know.
There are very few times i will succumb to laying naked on my bathroom floor. But lastnight is a resonable enough cause.
I just realized I'm the burger in your burger and steak anology. Very disconcerting.
Just switched my underwear without taking my pants off don't ever be ashamed to be related to me
I just love that it's Veterans Day because I know in my heart that I have serviced some of their brethren in the dirtiest, hottest, most shameful ways possible.
I slept through 4/20 and my roommates bought an entire ham that's just sitting in the fridge...
Randomize
