I can blatently call girls sluts here and they think i'm speaking norwegian
so yeah i told her you were going to become a doctor and the first thing she said was "i still don't want to fuck him". i tried.
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
does she really think making her boyfriend delete me on facebook is going to magically stop us from hooking up?
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
I love you like a cupcake loves an overweight child, very similar to the mannerisms of a whole cake but personal, and minus the commitment issues, plus just the right amount of icing; not to mention the convenience of mobility, and only a smidgen of the guilt😘
Please delete that video of me blowing you. I will repay you with 100 blowjobs even better than the one I gave you during that video. Please. I am gonna be a grandma one day.
So ive narrowed my options down to getting food or masturbating. Don't judge me
STD scares really help you understand the whole six degrees of separation thing...
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I KNEW IT. I HAD A FEELING. THIS IS GODS CURSE. BREAK UP WITH A SEX GOD. GET ONE OF HIS PEASANTS.
actually there are like 49038098 people in the bathroom for no reason. Singing My Heart Will Go On and pseudo fighting.
Just took adderall with about half a bottle of red wine...i have stopped trying for this last exam
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
All I need is to get out and get laid
Yeah mom sounds like a good idea! Now send that message to the person it was ment for
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