i mean you're really good at taking the morning after pill...so you could put that on your resume..
yeah, i think fast in a bad sitatuion and am able to react with appropriate measures
is there any particular reason you took a shit in a zip lock bag and left it in my refrigerator?
my mom walked in on me smoking weed alone, listening to the eagles, and just staring at the river. she totally knew.
You cheat on me once, shame on me. You cheat on me with a white girl, it's fucking over
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
I found a big gulp cup full of vomit in my freezer, are you behind this?
I just burped jalapeños and cum. That was the most disgusting thing ever.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
I just compared his sexting to a plate of spaghetti. And he STILL wants to sleep with me.
My roommate just walked in with a case of beer locked himself in his room and told us he was going to masturbate his feelings away...
Wow has his pick up routine ever gotten bad. He is trying to use cheese as a way to flirt with the waitress
Oh man, he played the Harvarti cheese card and it didn't work. Now he is flailing
For the record, rock bottom is where you start crying during porn because your ex used to slap your ass like that.. Continue on with your day now.
Oh, cold wet seat on the 48! Are you piss? Are you the sweaty ass leavings of an obese person? Are you the spilled King Cobra from the night before? I do not know! I dare not smell to find out... Pants ruined...
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
Hows your mom
Shes good, she claims she wasnt drunk
Randomize
