so i completely puked my brains out. a lot. he held me up so i could brush my teeth. then we proceeded to hook up for the next four hours.
he's a keeper
I should just wear a shirt that says "Im Sorry" on the front because the second we land in Vegas, I'm going to be a fuckin trainwreck.
I remember her trying to talk to me a few times after we broke up and I'd always change the subject to bagels.
You are forgiven. I sent you a picture of a pumpkin man as a gesture of reconciliation.
Fuck. The basement bathroom I've been getting head in for 6 months just went 'Out of Service'.
you were trying to convince me that you weren't drunk by grabbing my shoulders, looking deeply into my eyes and saying "i can see your sparkle"
i love when the champions come out to play im bringin the shock collar this weekend
And we're now at 8 people from the office coming to my desk to ask me "do you feel better?".
There are only four things in life that are certain. 1 Death, 2 Taxes, 3 The wu tang clan aint nothin to fuck with, and 4 you will never be more important than taco bell
All I know is that every time I looked at my glass it was full again and I thought it would be rude not to drink it
He came over apologized for his lack of sexual skills. Cleaned my kitchen cooked me dinner. And gave me another one minute stand. I think im okay with this
You can't just walk around stealing hats from drunk boys and peeing in bathtubs. Turn down.
My boss brought her husband's telescope to work, so all of us that work in the MMJ Dispensary got high and had an impromptu Blood Moon viewing party. I love my job.
i woke up inside a girl that i promised i would take on a date to Chili's
I guess when the asshole said “I really miss you and want to get back together” he actually meant “I’m banging a Hooters girl behind your back.”
I hope she gives him gonorhea
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