You're going to have to start masturbating with your left hand. Or with someone's vagina
seriously my hangover is so bad I feel like my eye lashes make blinking a workout
All I remember is that the bartender wouldn't give me scissors cuz I was too drunk
Idk yet. Trying to convince him to get a phoenix bird tattoo first
the campus cop used the word depravity in our citation.
Also he wants to know a casual, consise way to ask a girl in a bar if he could eat her out. Think on that.
I only know two things that kitchen floors are good for... sex and quesadillas that got dropped. You know, the five second rule
I know it basically makes me the worst feminist ever, but I don't want to kill my own spiders. And I will pay my personal spider hit man with sammiches and unlimited , uninhibited access to my vagina.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
The only times girls talk to me at clubs is when they're asking if I'm okay when I'm puking outside. Or if it's a tranny
I JUST SEARCHED GINGER COCK ON TUMBLR AND THEY'RE ALL REALLY WELL HUNG? I'M CRYING. IS THIS HOW GINGERS KEEP REPRODUCING?
WHAT IS WRONG WITH YOU?
They finally caught us and banned us forever, but it was worth it because we didn't have to pay for light bulbs for at least 3 years.
So you stole light bulbs, from your favorite bar, and got banned, and you're happy?
Look we couldnt pay for light bulbs and ramen, and you can't eat light bulbs or cook in the dark. Win - win.
They are doing the auction. One of the items in the auction is a grenade launcher.
Isn't it funny how we're still best friends after that incident with the old lady in the bathroom
You fucking bailed on me. But I love you still
ugh, my whole family is going ape shit over my sister's pregnancy blog. I dont get it? Anyone can get knocked up! I had rebound sex with a new york ranger last night, now that is something to fucking blog about.
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