I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
She is making me post-sex grilled cheese at 2 am wearing only shorts and cowboy boots. I am so in love
Cops showed up at 4 am to address a noise complaint and she called them pussies for not doing shots with us.
i was about to cum until he started doing shrek impressions.
You think they'd ask my permission before turning Pajamarama into an orgy. I saw too many of my friends dicks at once the door got kicked down.
He did not want a thank you for helping me move in bj. I don't know how to thank him now.
Buying Plan B right after a lecture on feminism. It's nice to know who I can thank for that right.
Last night I texted her to confirm she could start designing costumes for my show this week.
That is one convoluted booty call.
how are things with the new girl?
good, we have nothing in common but she likes being choked
He said and I quote "Had to beat one off in the Burger King bathroom before I went over." Thats somebody that takes pride in his work.
I have a surprise for you guys
What is it?
A MOTHER FUCKING SURPRISE DON'T ASK QUESTIONS
I feel like that's something that he should've asked me over dinner..... instead of with his hand down my pants? maybe not
I'm on the same pooping schedule as a professor I've never had. He now says what's up to me in the hallway
I had tater tots and weed with a stripper at 4am who compared the size of my boob to her head because fuck you my life rocks
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
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