sometime during the course of last night, i decided to get donuts for this morning. i'm a fucking genius when i smoke.
He has jerked off in so many socks I am surprised he doesn't have athletes dick
he said no girl had ever swallowed his cum before
he probably also told you he thought u were pretty
Well, you're either very drunk or very high but I'll let it slide because I love any type of conversation concerning cheese.
Just dominated the men's bathroom at work. Sounded like the intro of a death metal song.
okay, this game isn't funny anymore. tell us where all the forks are.
She just called to say she can support a full bottle of vodka between "the girls" now. I'm going over, don't try and stop me.
Standards? I'm sitting on his couch eating microwaved ramen wearing his wife's t-shirt. I don't remember what having standards even feels like.
You rubbing siracha on a cat with your feet is the opposite of what I want.
He just tagged everyone he's slept with this year in a 'memories of 2011' tweet
He said he only likes girls with a sense of humor, after he took his pants off I understood why
Just found out I own a pyramid. Fuck your good grades, I'm living in my pyramid.
It is a bad day indeed when you learn that your boy toy looks better in your dresses than you do
My dad found my bra hanging from my rear view mirror. Happy long weekend.
Good dick will make you do a lot of things… Great dick will make you consider buying a house.
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