Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
so he tried to quietly tell me my Tampon String was hanging out in front of his family but i didn't hear him so he yelled it
why would she cut her hair? she needs all the distractions possible from those texas-sized gums and horse teeth.
I realized courtney is my jiminy cricket but instead of preventing me from telling lies she prevents me from fucking strangers
I found my old addy guy via fb who clearly understands the supply and demand curve of addy during finals so he's gonna hook me up.
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
When are you not under some influence?
Since last Tuesday...yesterday.
No, i will not have sex with him again. It felt like he was trying to bulldoze his way through me. My vagina is on strike.
I also love beards. The playoffs are like christmas for my vagina.
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
I told him finishing at the same time would be a long-term project. Like flipping a house. A sexual house.
No that one bar I got kicked out of got closed so that technically doesn't count
You may be fancy. But you'll never be having cheesy garlic bread and scotch at 3am fancy.
Theres just something about today that says lets get drunk, dont you think?
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
