The ticket read "Found nude in a tree"
it wasn't the penis i had been hoping for.....but i took it regardless.
I just got kidnapped by the rugby team for a scavenger hunt. I'm "the girl you had sex with last night"
well the first picture of me in 2011 involves a viking helmet and chugging champagne. i like this year already.
hey, sorry about all the butter. I thought it was gonna help.
Ok well I'll be up all night studying if you need a wake up call or a place to put your penis.
He made me this shot called the allergen. It was a shot of vodka with a Claritin dropped in it.
If we go out with the 22/23 year olds we should make t a double date. I don't want to endure the judging looks of the public as I rob the cradle alone.
Lindsey Lohan and I have slept with the same amount of people. The only thing she's now beating me on is rehab trips and teen choice awards, so really I'm the winner.
His 12 year old sister has bigger boobs than me and now that's all I can think about when we have sex
And you were like wow I love water shots they taste so good
You grabbed my arm, said "I need you" in a very concerned voice and dragged me to the other room where you were blasting Evolution of Beyoncé.
ANNA YOU PEED ON THE STREET. LIKE NOT EVEN SUBTLY. YA JUST SQUATTED IN THE MIDDLE OF THE HIGHWAY. And you flashed your tits to oncoming vehicles to try to get them to pick us up
Hey kevin, it's Ashlee. I have been trying to get ahold of you. Your pledge gave me your number. I really wanted to apologize for shitting in your car I'll buy new upholstery or pay to have it shampooed if needed. I'm so embarrassed.
Thanks for listening. You're the first guy I've ever worked with who I didn't want to fuck.
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