After he came all over my face, he proceeded to give me a high five. I can't even act upset because I always put myself in these situations. Did I mention D3: Mighty Ducks was playing in the background?
He told me he had never done that before...I responded with "clearly"
I just saw a kid drop his lollipop on the floor of best buy, kick it because he was pissed off and then pick it up and eat it. I think I have a long lost son.
I was cleaning up my drunken mess and I found my ID in a cereal box
I'm just gonna go nail your roommate after we break up anyway.
The other night after we fucked we talked about Lowe's vision insurance. Never fuck a coworker.
Soo time for a life change, my 6 yr old sister made my gf a puke bucket for her birthday
The best way to start drinking is as early as possible. eg, this bar isn't open but we're patiently waiting outside. That way you're confident and exciting when the talent arrives. Or too drunk to care.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
Walking through campus with a grocery bag full of pot brownies. I'm like the santa claus of 4/20
I'd rather be castrated by angry chipmunks Than live your life for 24 hours
I have an erection and I'm about to go through airport security.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
You were trust falling into bushes
u ever get horny for food. i ordered a bunch of crepes and its doin it 4 me
Randomize
