Last night i was gna tell u about how i was watching project runway & how i was upset bc they replaced tim gunn & heidi klum. but then i realized that i was watching mythbusters.
True life - we need to smoke together more often
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
sunday morning discovery: something purple, smelly, and sticky my hair. any suggestions?
You totally narrated your dogs thoughts for 2 and a half hours last night, and I was enthralled. I didn't say one word, I just listened.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My therapist said that she thinks i may have a sex addiction. I think she may be a terrible therapist.
Want me to drive you to Dr. Drew's sex rehab?
Nah, cause then i cant masturbate to that show anymore.
well this feels familiar. awake at the crack of dawn laying in the fetal position praying for the sweet release of death. i think im done with jager for a while
I dont want to tell you. Lets just say that a lot of things are reminding me of your dick right now
He told me all about his plan for proposing to his girlfriend as pillow talk.
In case you were wondering, it hurts when the bouncer throws your phone at you after kicking you out of the strip club for taking pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I cried singing "call me maybe" on the way home from the bar. What the fuck
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
you know you need to get laid when: getting wrestled to the ground in a self-defense class turns you on....p.s. this is a booty call
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