the doormen always congratulate him in spanish as he walks me downstairs in the morning
Until he has ordered mozzarella sticks & beers at 2pm while wearing formal attire, then this is still my bar.
I'm someone's dream girl. I'm hungover in this guy's bed wearing ONLY a Brian Westbrook jersey. Not the same I was on a date with last night.
I just wanna go home eat some pizza rolls, get warm and jerk off, and it's only 845. This shit was supposed to make me see unicorns. Not cry
Someone better explain the burnt stove marks on my bed.
Please come back. She just stuck her bloody band-aid to Zach's face, has a fire extinguisher, and is talking about tornados hiding.
I think I just asked the Greek gyro guy on a yoga date.
I found you in the bathroom. You were sitting cross-legged on the floor wearing nothing but socks completely surrounded by broken crayons.
The night before doing drugs with your bro is like Christmas Eve that made love to thanksgiving that made love a virgin.
The waitress at the airport bar just asked me if I wanted a "to go" beer, hahahahaha OF COURSE I WANT A TO GO BEER.
Reminder: You could have had sex with me while wearing a tiara.
I was so drunk last night I couldn't see faces, only from the shoulders down.
He just chose domino's over sex. ARE YOU KIDDING ME?
I think he just shit his pants. Yep he did. That's unfortunate.
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
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