can you come get me and bring me shorts and a shirt
maybe shoes and water too
oh and maybe a noose to hang myself
made out with the bouncer to distract him from how illegitimate my fake id is.
Just drove past a church with a sign near it that said, "God wants to be your daddy."
where does the pee come out of this thing
He was singing Will Smith Just the Two of Us to his burrito. That high.
I am currently google image searching dick piercings, trying to see what I'm getting myself into.
I'm really proud of myself for not blacking out yet this weekend!
It's a Thursday.
He looks like he'd be great Lego character.
One day this summer I just wanna get blown under the hot sun all day.
Deal. Roof-top 69 on Saturday, July 20th. I've got it in my calendar.
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
It's 10:15 on a Wednesday night and my dick is covered in pop rocks. How's your Wednesday going?
ETSY JUST SENT ME AN EMAIL WITH THE SUBJECT "SUMER ROMANCE" I'M BEYOND FUCKING DONE
ever bang a guy wearing an $800 suit? today you will.
I feel like this is something I should shave my legs for
I managed all three standard threesome configurations a female-bodied person can achieve in just under nine years. I want to high-five everyone involved, but I've lost touch with a couple of them
I love that you put so much thought and effort into your nudes
I don't send half assed nudes. Go big or go home.
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