a mothers knocking is a guaranteed boner softener
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
You told my mother that her salad dressing tasted like semen.
I just found a pubic hair on my dick that wasn't mine.
He stole her cigarettes and walked 15 miles just so he wouldn't have to wake up next to her. God I love being a lesbian.
There's a skateboard on the patio and all the chips are gone. The note on the fridge says 'don't buy cheese'. Stop letting her go outside.
found a hand written recpiet for 'one doe fawn' on an open crate in my living room need help to find it
where the hell would u of bought a deer
The nursing school interview showed me a picture of my passed out during your party. They asked if this was a frquent thing. I told them you drugged me.
After giving a back rub to someone in the bathroom of the theater, he ripped an "employees must wash hands" sign off the wall to prove that he could and proceeded to hang it up in his house.
And I might get them triple pierced after that
Damn, I didn't realize you'd declared war on airport metal detectors
With a few pieces of metal and duct tape and a bong was created
I put tequila in my salad dressing yesterday. Step the fuck up.
Knew i was going to puke. So i grabed a bowl out of the kitcken in the dark before bed...Ended up puking into a spaghetti strainer...
So I heard her yell at him and I went downstairs to find he had lit up each one of my smokes and taken just one drag off each and had em lined up on the table. She says he "experiments" when on Ambien.
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
Randomize
