Trust me, I wear more condoms than socks. I wouldn't risk infecting my cock. It's my livelyhood.
Maybe i should go to church more so i can meet girls like in that song, you know, the ones that act slutty on every day but sunday...
ah, so the catholic church. i gotcha
the jolly green giant just puched the pope. halloween is the best.
i'm making a list of conversation topics in my blackberry so the ride won't be so awkward
better to have posed nude and lost than to never have posed nude at all...thats what i always say
there was some random girl that nobody really knew, standing in the corner trying to shave her armpits with a plastic butter knife.
Walk of shame dressed as a Christmas tree, it happened. Ho ho ho bitches
Is it wrong I want to seduce my ex to prove the point to his current gf he's an ass?
They just built a gym in the same parking lot as my favorite bar. Drunk me is gonna be so excited.
I told my mom I'm great in bed. That is quality mother daughter bonding.
I just shotgunned a beer and my lipstic didnt BUDGE. MERICUHH
Did body shots with a guy... Ended up being the ref of my volleyball game... So that's why we won
Just convinced a housekeeper at work to set up her 401k. Gotta start hittin the gb every morning before work. Happy 420
its like i just tried to scrub the hangover off of me.
Next time I say "i forgot to eat dinner, oh well" before drinking STRAP ME TO A CHAIR AND FORCE FEED ME BEFORE ALLOWING ME TO CONSUME BOOZE
Randomize
