This is evicking siegelnvs
Im sorry?
This is fucking ridiculous*
The greatest thing of my life happened today. I took a shit and it formed a smiley face. It's going to be a fucking fantastic day.
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
We're exchanging pot brownie recipes in my substance abuse class. This is going to be an awesome 7 weeks.
Had no idea what his name was when I woke up. Went through his desk, found his tax records. Ben. And loaded.
Pretty sure he sprained my tongue. This is why you don't hook up with gingers.
Dude, I had to stop mid fuck. Her cat was swatting at my balls as I did her from behind. I couldve lost something.
Let's get drunk and go to Walmart and just tackle people at random.
Just got my stitches out.. Now I can give a proper hand job
Something about being drunk at 1pm chasing seagulls on the beach while it's raining is very calming
I fell asleep in my underwear on the deck. What the fuck.
This was the best text I've ever woken up to
I'm not sure... How do you tell someone who was so smashed they couldn't remember shoving their dick into the fireplace that their mother actually witnessed the whole thing?
I just got nudes while talking in the third person. Not sure if I Should be proud or ashamed.
They need to eat meat, go down on me the first time, every time, and know how to pull my hair. And there's a height requirement for this ride
I just realized I have a habit of pre gaming for therapy visits. Problem?
We'll discuss it when you get here
Randomize
