my 3 year old cousin just woke up screaming "IT WON'T GO DOWN!'
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
Thought you might like this. Had a dance off with an andy bernard look alike and pissed my bed. All in one night.
I just finished deleting miscellaneous contacts from my phone ... time for a HIV test!
I was asking the bouncer, "if I fall will you catch me?" which then turned into "if I jump off the roof will you catch me?" He said no.
I thought you should know that there is a scientific law stating that when there is booze, people talk about your dick.
I just creeped on air mattress guy's facebook and discovered his ex is the trifecta of evil: tiny, cute, and blonde.
I feel as if we moved beyond the hook up stage when she blew me as I drunkenly finished my chicken nuggets.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
Ok maybe now I get why I'm single I think I just broke a rib pooping
YOU CAN'T GET A TATTOO BECAUSE OF KPOP FANFICTION. THAT'S NOT HOW LIFE WORKS
My aunt asked how many piercings I had and my mom said seven and I said nine and that's how my family found out I had my nipples pierced.
Did you ever hear the story about the time I did blow in a bar bathroom with the #1 ranked golfer in the world?
You left your Xanax bottle in my car. Why is the label all smudged?
I spilled wine on it.
Ugh. All the good hoes are in their third trimester.
Randomize
