Kareoke will never be a sober sport
i just thanked the atm machine for giving me cash
im a genious. moved my bed and mirror so i can watch the game while Fucking
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
also I just used a straw to drink the juice out of a tomato b/c I forgot how to bite.
we are playing family charades. my sister pointed at me. everyone guessed alcoholic.
He still lectured me about forgetting shit. Than he said he's gonna paint me green so I can stand in a corner and be a plant.
You need 4-7 business day to recover from a fingering like that.
I would literally rather jam a rusty rail road spike into my cock than be here right now. The whore showed up and now I might smash my iPhone into my face repeatedly until I'm no longer consisting of any sort of life.
Nope. Too hot. We just sat in my tub with cold water spraying on us drinking coronas. This summer heat is killing my libido slowly
Getting dome in the backseat of a friends car with Ariana Grande playing in the background was probably the most romantic part of my night
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Ill try not let guys feel my boobs for free drinks next time, no promises tho. I am my boyfriends worst nightmare.
I just wanna be naked and go frolic in the snow
Randomize
