I was so hungover that I had to stop in the middle of the game and throw up. The fans cheered.
I want to fuck you with a popsicle till it melts then eat it out of you
Really.
Give me the approximate price and I'll give you the equivalence in blowjobs.
Of course I'm not above using aladdin and pot to get laid, this is america
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Today is going to be the longest game of "was that a fart, or do I need to go wipe?" I have ever played. Maybe the most challenging too.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I'm just mad because I can't play gta5 all day tomorrow cuz I'll be in court testifying against a craigslist prostitute...
Girl this is ridiculous I told my self that I would stop having sex in stairwells yet it keeps happening
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I SWEAR TO GOD IF SHE FUCKS WITH OUR GOLD GENE POOL
Not sure if your roommate speaks German while sleeping, or if she woke up, figured out we were fucking, and used German to swear at us.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
He drank an entire six pack, past out on the guest bed, woke up around 4AM, lifted & dropped my leg, then peed on the corner of the bed. When I told him where he was pissing he said "it's all the same babe."
I mean I'm completely serious and also drunk.
What a great combination.
I don't feel like that was meant as a compliment, but really still feels like one
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