help me. he won't leave me alone. he just licked my ear and he's so drunk. get him off me. we're in the closet. help.
I take no responsibility of who alcohol hooks up with using my body!
Best text conversation ever. Other than the one we had about using blood for lube.
Nothing gets you judged faster than having cum in your hair at the gas station.
Just called the consul general of France "dude"
Ya I know. She's self aware though, like the terminator. Which is the best kind of crazy
I hooked up with a guy dressed as Wesley from the Princess Bride. I kept telling him what I wanted him to do and all he would say was "as you wish"
I'm hurting so bad I actially had to wait for my mini wheats to get soggy before I could eat them..
Whenever I'm not in the mood and don't want to go to bed swampy, I just strategically suck him off during the second period intermission of the Cup playoffs and he leaves me alone and does the dishes. It's a win-win.
multitasking: i'm now sitting up and smoking my joint.
Between having seen you naked and interpreting your values based on the occasional political FB post, you're no stranger for sure.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I slept naked last night on stolen pillows. I felt like a golden goddess.
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
I just caught your son trying to perform fellatio on himself. What do I do?
Randomize
